just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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