I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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