I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
