he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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