One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize