Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
