awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
