I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
