Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
