Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
