i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
