My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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