I could make wine with my vomit
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That accounts for only three of the penises
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
