Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
