So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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