uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
