Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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