Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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