so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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