two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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