I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
