She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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