That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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