Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
