He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize