Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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