Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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