we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
