Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You left your phone here
Wait...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
