and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
