He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
