I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
