Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
