My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
