You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
