Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
