it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
