ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
