I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
