i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
