You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
