I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
