She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
