I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
