im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
