I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
