I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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