Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
