It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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