Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
