I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
