If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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