wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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