So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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