unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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