what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
