Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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