you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
