90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize