Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
