We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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