Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
