tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
