I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
