it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize