She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
