..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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