Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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