All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think people are normalizing furries
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